24 Hours in the Old Port-a-John

Or at least it seemed that I spent nearly as much time going to and from the shitter as I spent out on the course at 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo. I settled into a pattern during the race of completing a lap, eating a fuck ton, and then passing out in my tent for an hour. Well, after my 3rd lap nap I woke up to the in a sweat to the sun rising and a massive incoming turd on the way. In a panic, I considered pulling the old crap in a plastic bag trick reminiscent of our days in the apocalyptic junkyard, but I fought the urge, threw my jacket on and broke into a dead sprint for the bathroom. By lap 4 I finally had this pattern figured out, but the race was over.

Getting way ahead of myself here. On the way out to the race, I had to lug all my stuff over to Ordinary Bike Shop (my old workplace) to meet Tang. Since I was determined to camp like a Moroccan sultan, I had to make two runs, one of which required Erik’s assistance to get all my crap over there. Here is a good opportunity to show you E’s beautiful imported Dutch utility bike complete with chainguard, internally geared hub, and generator lights.

I met up with Tang at Ordinary and we loaded up his truck.

The plan was that Tang and I would find a spot and he would drop me off. Then I would guard the Ordinary keg at the campsite for the night until the rest of the crew showed up the next day.

We found the perfect camp spot. Then set up shop.

…and the festivities began.

Actually, I didn’t really booze too much. I went to bed early as there wasn’t too much going on yet and I was freezing. During the night there were a lot of coyotes howling and it reminded me of being on bike tour in the desert.

The next morning, I met up with my team El Grupo at our camp site.

We rode the course. I hadn’t been on a mountain bike since the last 24 Hour Race in 2008. Last time I raced, I was on a rigid single speed with a carbon fiber fork. I got the little single speed on the cheap from my friend Nickel, and it was the only thing I had to ride. Man was that thing so light and so painful. Everybody was telling me I was a badass for riding it and I finally figured out why. By the end my arm, back…everything hurt like hell.

This time It actually felt great to get out there again even though I wasn’t quite in the cardiovascular shape that I was in being able to train in Tucson. I was riding a squishy bike with full suspension. Geez what a difference. It was like floating on a cloud. Don’t get me wrong, the course still wooped me and tossed me around a bit, but I was glad that the bike was absorbing a little of the shock for me. I guess a rigid mtb isn’t the ideal choice for someone with a metal rod in their back.

Here is El Grupo coach Nacho showin us how it’s done.

Back at the ranch, it was feedin’ time. The whole weekend was an eating extravaganza for me. There was literally a trough of food available 24-7. I could get used to this lifestyle. Ride mountain bike really hard all day + eat everything you can + sleep, repeat.

The feeding trough…where the magic happens.

I migrated my sultan’s lair over to the El Grupo campsite after the Ordinary guys showed up. After another night of sleep amongst the coyotes, a terrible bagpipe player, and a random guy on hallucinogens shouting obscenities and encouraging people to eat pot brownies and get naked on top of a rock, it was finally time for the race to begin.

So yeah it’s a 24 hour race and I was on a 5 person team which was the El Grupo “Coaches” team. Each lap is 17 miles. The lap starts off with “the Bitches,” which is a dirt road with seven steep climbs that send you screaming down the back. Once, the Bitches are over, it’s a lot of flowie desert single track through cholla fields. Then the course starts to kick again and there is more climbing towards the end. The very end gets a bit more technical but is really fast and fun. Then you end up in the timing tent and pass the baton to your teammate.

Not gonna lie. I was shakin in my boots a little bit on the morning of the race. First off, for some insane reason I was chosen as the lead off person who would do the run.

Secondly, there was the whole out of shape factor, but I decided to just go with it and try my best. It was awesome to just be out there with the kids. They crack me up. So great.

I wore myself out a little on the run, but I tried my best to keep it together on the first lap. It was a total clusterfuck with lots of bottlenecks and people everywhere. I did crash hard once on the first lap, but given my track record that is pretty standard. It felt extremely long….like I didn’t remember the course being nearly that long before. I couldn’t catch my breath the whole time and was starting to wonder if I would make it through a few more laps. My lower back hurt a lot too because I was carrying a Camelback, which I decided was definitely getting ditched for the next lap.

My second lap was at night and went off much more smoothly. I actually really enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I don’t really have any more photo, but here is a video shot at the race. The footage is mostly just the last 200 meters of the course, so it’s not quite indicative of how the laps feel. The night laps are pretty quiet. You hear javelinas and coyotes. It’s awesome and a little bit creepy at the same time.

24 Hours in the Old Pueblo from Vladimir Chaloupka on Vimeo.

My third was at 3 in the morning. I dreaded getting up for it and going out in the cold. The lap went smoothly until my light died on the technical section towards the end of the course. I waited until someone approached and hoped that it would be a nice person who was not a pro trying to turn in a fast lap. Luckily, that’s exactly who showed up and he let me follow behind him and share his light until the end of the lap.

My fourth lap finished off the race for our team. It was my fastest one and felt great. I was dressed in the top that I wore at the Sparkle Motion party, and the lady at the finish referred to me as Lady Gaga. Just when I felt like I finally had a handle on the course the race was over.

Two of our teams podiumed. Unfortunately, the girl on our fastest team took a bad spill on one of the Seven Bitches and had to be airlifted out. She is healing now and luckily didn’t break any bones.

When the weekend was over, I didn’t want to leave. I felt like I could stay out in the desert with my tent and the feeding trough and a mountain bike. Now I really want to go back to Tucson and help coach the kids teams. Jared has other ideas.

After we got back to Tucson, we ate a bunch of pizza and drank dark beer. I slept for somewhere around 17 hours the day after the race, which is why E says I win the sleep contest. The end.

-L

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