Laurenz World

As of tonight, we will no longer have to inflate our bed before going to sleep. Or should I say I will no longer have to inflate our bed, as Jared always forced me to do the blowjob every night. Our trusty air mattress hath served us well up until this point, but I am ecstatic to say that we are now the proud owners of a real live mattress. It has springs, fabric, and all the bells and whistles.

We have been perusing Craigslist waiting for the right opportunity. We needed something cheap and within walking distance. Today we finally scored. We found a mattress that was located about 3/4 mile from our apartment for $50. Not bad.

The Great Mattress Migration of 2010 happened around 6 p.m. and the chosen route was down a busy street. There was bickering, complaining, and backwards walking, but we managed to complete the trek without too many complications. About 25 feet from the apartment, Jared decided to drop his half on the ground and take a rest before we lifted it over the back gate. The mattress was soiled in the process and I gave him hell about it.

Though our hands and arms were slightly numb afterward, we knew that the arduous journey was well worth the effort. It is going to make our lives better. Never thought I would derive so much joy from what seems like pretty basic living commodity, but I guess reality is a mattress of individual perception. After sleeping on the ground for a year, a mattress is something I’m not taking for granted.

Speaking of matters, mattresses, masters, reality, and perception, here is Black Sabbath playing in front of a rainbow and Ozzy dressed up in a purple fringe suit: