Expedition to Dildo Island
As the few, the proud who still read this raggedy blog might already know, I am soon flying to Tucson. No, I’m not flying out there for winter training with my team.
Erik Ryberg, my former employer and the closest thing bicyclists have to Jesus is flying me out there to compete against Mickey in the 2010 Tetris Championships. I am really looking forward to spending all my time in doors glued to his big screen TV. Ok, so I might ride zee bikes a little while I’m in there too. Actually, I am trying to convince Erik that we really need to go on a desert expedition. There is also a chance that I might even ride in the 24 Hour mountain bike race with the kids team that I used to ride with. I am very very excited to go to Tucson. I am counting down the days (17 left), and singing this song:
But not to be outdone by Erik, our most cherished reader Dave the Wave recently surprised us with an all expenses paid trip to the majestic Dildo Island. I guess he recognized that we never fully realized our aspirations of making it to Newfoundland on bicycles.
Now, you might say to yourselves that right now is surely a terrible time of the year to visit Labrador. I mean, it is literally covered in ice and snow. However, we couldn’t have been happier to have the entire Dildo all to ourselves. Dildo really took our breath away.
People don’t realize that ice and snow in such mass quantities can create another world on the surface of the land. We a blast on playing around in the ice mounds of Dildo.
Honestly, we never wanted to leave. We knew if we could hang on to Dildo, we’d have everything we need. Maybe Dildo is what has been missing in our lives.
We spotted some of the indigenous Dildoan dwellings…
They even had free ice skating!
On our way out, we encountered a lone wolf in the wild. What an amazing and rare opportunity we’d been granted. We truly felt the ancient spirit of Dildo enter us.
Dave, thank you so much for giving us the full-on Dildo experience! In the end, we were sad to let go of Dildo and return to Chicago, but we’ll always carry a piece of Dildo inside.
-L
Yessssssss. (arbitrary…just letting you know your most under appreciated reader is still here)
Found your blog on CGOAB, love; love; it. Keep up the great work and I’ll keep abusing semi-colons.
P.S. Come back out west!
well, i am glad you found us, andy. i guess if you are starting out with this post, you know what you are in for…sometimes i worry that the CGOAB crowd won’t appreciate the kind of literary contribution that we make here. thanks for reading and abusing semi-colons!
SWEET,WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?
sudanim ,what the hell? eye dont need no stinkin sudanim
DAAAAVE! i KNEW it! i knew if we came up with something really good with could reel you back in! I hearby designate this as national dave the wave day…in recognition of the day dave returned to WIABIS!!!
yes ,BUT was it good to you ??
i think i answered that question like 15 times in the post.
yea but i like hearing you tell me
see, now you’re gettin creepy dave. maybe i shouldna brought ya outta yer hole.
U suck at tetris
you are going to eat those, words, mister. you might be able to ace me out on fallout 3 or those fancy smancey games you play, but TETRIS IS MINE!
Real mature Lauren, real mature….
thanks, dave. i knew you were still reading under a pseudonym!
“Erik Ryberg, my former employer and the closest thing bicyclists have to Jesus…”
Erik Ryberg is a mythical figure that makes people feel better as a concept only to evaporate when truly needed? He is used to fleece and control millions worldwide? Hatred, torture murder and war is perpetrated in his name? Are you sure that’s the comparison you intended?
i am sorry for you, Scott. you have truly been sucked in to his cult. i bet you’ve never even met him in person…think about why. you’ve never seen the guy evaporate? happens all the time. he is using the blog to control you!
No, I’m more like the Pat Robertson Jesus. The one who, filled with anger and harboring a pathological need for respect and vengeance, smites the innocent for the sins of their fathers. That’s in the New Testament, right? Jesus did all that stuff, right? Because otherwise Pat Robertson wouldn’t be saying those things about Haiti’s situation being God’s vengeance, and he’s a big authority on theological stuff.
So what’s up with all the as yet unsmoten (unsmited? smoted? smitten?) dipshit-drivers in Tucson? C’mon jesus – lets get with the program here!
Obviously, Scott, you are (1) not praying enough, and (2) not taking advantage of the 1-800 number scrolling at the bottom of your screen. VISA and MasterCard both accepted. It costs money to smote people.
Dude, they made a deal with Satan.