Getting Paid to Sleep
I don’t really remember signing up for it, but a few weeks ago I received a call from some female at the University of Chicago regarding a sleep study. She asked me a lot of questions about my eating, exercising and sleeping habits. I must have answered something right because a week or so later I got another call. This time from a doctor who wanted an appointment.
University of Chicago an old college built by late John D. Rockefeller and is 7 miles south of downtown. They spend around $322,500,000/year on scientific research. It’s campus has all kinds of insane crazy Neo-Gothic architecture and a huge hospital. On the fourth floor of the hospital is the sleep study lab. There I met with the good doctor. He had me read a little packet outlining what they would do to me if I chose to go through with the testing.
Some highlights:
- Electrodes all over my face and body (might have to shave again)
- Super sugar-water drinking (75g/cup)
- EKG and MRI and PET tests
- Tests of intellectual and physiological function (including staring at a dot on the wall for 3 minutes)
- A CGM device and blood pressure monitor for 24 hours.
- Finger sensors, wrist sensors, and waist sensors
- A camera and microphone on a torrent watching me at all hours.
- Radioactive glucose injections
- (optional) below the waist fat biopsy
- no showers the whole time (my kind of study)
The study will consist of a 5 and 7 day stay at the hospital over a 3 month period. I am allowed 3 non-caffeinated diet beverages and one supervised walk around the campus per day.
I get to have visitors (a.k.a Lauren) and internets during the down time. Basically it’ll be what I usually do plus needles and sensors. The test is funded by Uncle Sam and has to do with the correlation of diabetes with sleep deprivation…or so I’m told.
I’m going for it, mainly because if it all works out I’ll make about $2000 (plus whatever I make via internets). That’s more than I’ve made all year.
…unless some radical-hippies bust in and set me free.
I’ll know for sure if I’m eligible on the 14th.
-J
P.S. Lauren would have totally done this with me…but she is too old to qualify.
[IMG]http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c153/SadCharles/AOgQB_PIPPmCRXC3rvi-qA.jpg[/IMG] http://s27.photobucket.com/albums/c153/SadCharles/?action=view¤t=AOgQB_PIPPmCRXC3rvi-qA.jpg
I will try this until is works right!
AHAHAHAHAHAH thats funny (the P.S part)
fuck you charlie!
haha I love you to Larn
That’s awesome! I’ve always wanted to do one of those. Hm, John’s Hopkins isn’t too far away…
John Hopkins is in heaven which according to warrant is indeed, not too far away.
Don’t fall for it, it’s the oldest trick in the book. They tell you all about this sleep study, but it’s actually a training session for sex change surgeons. Few victims complain, it’s pretty embarassing, and most move on to careers in pornography. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
I hear pornography pays well and I sit down when I pee anyway. That would be a awesome!
Lauren must have you well trained
sweet!
Never knew you were such an animal rights activist. Way to sacrifice yourself for the little fuzzy ones. I think the radioactive glucose shots sound the most fun! Hope you’re gonna invest that $2000 in a chemo fund.
That sounds like a hoot.
I can only hope.
I used to sell my body for scientific experiments every year when I was in college. My favorite was the one where they lock you in a wing of the hospital with 30 other horny college kids (both sexes) for two weeks and come in to your room every morning and squirt viruses up your nose.
We had nothing to do but watch TV and, well, you know, do whatever else we could think of on a hospital floor with lots of private rooms.
It was kind of like summer camp in that you were largely unsupervised around many of your peers and there was a very high likelihood of contracting some unknown and horrible illness. But unlike summer camp they gave you a big fat check at the end. I got all the way to El Salvador and back on that check.