I WAN KNOW WERE DA GOLD @

Life has been moving at a rollicking pace for us since moving to Chicago, which has probably contributed to the neglect of bloggerly duties bestowed upon me with this here website. I would apologize, but if you are dumb enough to still be reading, then you are probably willing to cut me a little slack here and there.

So a couple weeks after we got here, my parents decided that my current unemployment would provide them with the perfect opportunity transport me back home for the Thanksgiving holiday. Just in case anyone thought that Jared and I were doing the earth a great service by bike touring to our new city, I managed to negate all the carbon emissions saved by riding my bike to Chicago with one shitty plane trip to DC and back. Jared chose to maintain his pint-sized carbon footprint in comparison to mine and stayed back in Chicago. I assured him that doing my part to bring forth the apocalypse more quickly is the right thing to do, which is why I will continue building upon my Sasquatch carbon footprint with future plane travel plans.

The day before leaving I went to work all day at my new job in the bike shop. I was very nervous, but I think that the job is going to work out. It’s mainly because I am getting paid peanuts in exchange for the ability to learn the ins and outs of wrenching, but you gotta start somewhere. I got home from work and was not prepared for my trip whatsoever. Luckily, my attentive and caring partner in crime knew just what to buy for me in preparation for my trip.

With these records, Jared ensured that I’d have plenty of listening material for the flight. No more pesky ipods to deal with. Just bring the whole record collection! No one would board a plane without a VHS copy of Mad Max to keep them occupied, and who wouldn’t want the extra weight of a coupla cans of Spaghetti-O’s to snack on and spill all over your shirt midflight? The 1970′s suitcase would be sure to win me tons of style points as I hit every passerby with it in the airport, and with that jacket my dad would be able to pick me out of the crowd quickly after I got off the plane. Boy Jared, you sure are wonderful! SRSLY though, I was thrilled to come home to this lovely parting gift.

That night before my flight out, we partied. We split a bottle of rum and went for a walk down by the lake. It was very windy and the lake was choppy. We walked out on a rock outcropping and it seemed as though we were on the ocean. The next street down there was another pile of rocks, and we spent about 10 minutes arguing over whether or not the anthropomorphic form on top of the rocks was an actual person. In my old age, some how or another drunken nights usually boil down to an absurd and meaningless argument such as the one that took place on this particular night. I asserted that in this kind of wind no one else would be dumb enough to stand out there and that the figure seemed awful stiff to be a human. Jared reasoned that my eyesight is terrible and it was obviously indeed a person. After about 20 minutes we walked over to the other side of the jetty. Jared was right. It was a person, and I was a little creeped out by the anthropomorphic human disguised as a post standing motionless for so long on the windy bluff. There’s nothing creepier than discovering that something you thought was inanimate is not only alive but is human.

Oh wait there is one thing that is creepier. Blacking out after drinking a bunch of rum and attempting to watch Mad Max then waking up in your own piss the night before you have to catch an early flight is creepier. Apparently during my blackout, I inscribed an inspiring quote on Jared’s back from one of my fave YouTube videos of all time. The quote and part of the pee stain that got on Jared are both visible in the photo below. As you can see in the second photo the quote reads, “I WAN KNOW WERE DA GOLD @.” Apparently my grammar was about as debilitated as my bowel bladder control during the black out.


…in case you don’t know the reference.

REMIX!!!

Thanksgiving day I was back home in Virginia Beach (with mi ma) and Jared was left alone and hungry in Chicago. Don’t worry, he’s used to it. You should have seen him in Tucson on Christmas day last year. He ate lunch at a homeless shelter with our friend Tim (whose junkyard we camped in for a while in Tucson), then he and Tim spent Christmas night at my house and apparently “splurged” by turning on the heat for 10 minutes during the cold night. I promised him that for this year’s Christmas I am tying him up and shoving him into my suitcase. Should be a lovely flight for him in that cargo bin.
-L

New front page!

-J

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