Three bikes in 24 hours
A few months ago, when we first moved to this cruel cold city, I noticed this bike locked up outside of the local Target.
Wow cool! 1st generation FS butted aluminum MTB w/ Florescent orange swing arm, early 90′s Deore XT and Mavic rims w/ 1.9 slicks. Something you don’t see everyday….
I few weeks later I found myself at Target again…attracted by it’s low low prices and close proximity to our place. It was still there. Hadn’t moved a hair. Tires flat. It was abandoned. Preserved from parts-cannibalism and oxidation as it was in a relatively dry and secure in the Target parking garage.
I inquired at customer service on how I could get permission to get it. They took a description and filed it in lost and found. If it was there in 30 days I could legitimately take it.
Over the next month I also noticed a stagnant 56cm Specialized Sirius (a touring bike!!) from about 07′ in front of another store and put in a similar request for it.
I also knew about this nearby rusty 1st generation 54cm Raleigh Technium that hadn’t moved since we got here.
A week before the 30 days was up I verified the Trek was still there and ordered a portable 10.8v Dremel $70, keyless chuck $10 and, most importantly, the Dremel bike thief attachment $13.
Without Lauren (she’s off gallivanting in the Tucson desert right now) to stop me, The first bike I snatched was the Specialized, which at that point was missing it’s front wheel. It’s Kryptonite “Kryptolock Series 2″ U-lock lasted about 90 seconds. No passers by seemed to notice or care about the sparks or buzz.
The second was the Raleigh. I talked to the owner of the shop, but he didn’t really want to get involved or give me permission. The front wheel was now bent to shit either by a car or a drunk. The SR Laperade seatpost, Sugino stem and cranks, and a mid-level Suntour αr group still made it worth taking. My sweet new Dremel would quickly polish all that powdery white Aluminum back to a mirror like finish.
The Technium was locked with a “On Guard” U-lock which was a much bigger pain in the ass to get through than the Kryptonite…but it was still off in under 3 minutes.
Then there was still the Trek, which started this thieving spree in the first place.
After about 15 minutes of waiting for Target to figure out how to handle the situation, I was escorted and supervised by an armed security guard. It was locked with a generic cable like this one, which was cut in under 10 seconds.
Upon hearing about my stealing 3 bikes in one day and how cool I am, the mayor of Chicago declared me the #1 bike thief in Chicago for 2/2/10 and gave me the keys to the city.
However, I declined this generous gift…because I don’t need keys anymore.
Your bike is next!
<3 Jar
I am so proud!
weef this is one of your best posts yet!
Usually, the owners of abandoned bikes have been scammed by medical schools roping them in with promises of pay for some bogus study and then used for training surgeons in sex change operation procedure. A lot of the time they forget that they’ve even owned a bike, they’re so busy shopping for new clothes.
What a close call.
I know a couple of lawyers in Chicago. Just let me know when you require a referral. Might want to make friends with a reputable bail bondsman, too.
Do they have to be reputable?
Some dudes were trying to steal a motorized bicycle outside a jewelry store near where I work and the owner of the bicycle (a security guard) came outside and shot at them.
I immediately thought of you.
I like how you post pictures of much better bikes than the piece of shit corroded ones that are now sitting in your basement
good observation Mickey