Tony Bologna

Yesterday afternoon I ventured out of our apartment alone for the first time to go eat rice and beans around the corner. I suck at Spanish but managed to order myself a tasty lunch dish consisting of rice, beans, eggs, plantains, potatoes and carrots all on top of a nanner leaf with a glass of fresh Guanabana juice. It was pretty good stuff and cost me about $5.

While I was eating some guy sat down next to me and started talking to me. His name was Tony and explained he was from Utah and owned a surf shop here. We shot the shit for awhile while. When I was done eating he offered to sell me some of his hydroponically grown sticky icky and I agreed, figuring it would be nice to have when I had two raw pulsating craters in the back of my mouth where teeth once were.

We went to a nearby mall and sat down on a secluded bench and I exchanged 7000 colones ($14) for a little black bag of two grams apparently top shelf weed, not bad. Then Tony flashed some sort of ID and told me he was an undercover cop and there were several police surrounding us and if I tried to run I’d be arrested. Cool.

He said I was under arrest and the fine was $800 or a week in jail

-BUT-

for just $380 he’d let me go. I was pretty freaked out about the whole deal but, being the cheap-ass I am, declined his bribe proposal. He reduced his price a bit and I again declined. I’d ask to see some additional police credentials from Tony he’d decline. He’d also occasionally look over somewhere and make hand gestures to those police who were apparently lurking just around the corner but I couldn’t see them.

It was beginning to become apparent that Tony was full of shit, but I was still a bit hesitant to call him out on that, seeing as if he were not I’d be getting butt-raped until next Tuesday (by someone other than Lar) and/or paying some fines. I also began to realize that the San Jose police force might have better things to do than reverse-sting unsuspecting Americans over grams of pot.

After about 5 minutes of negotiations I told him to give me back my ID and arrest me. Then he let me go. Baloney.

In closing:

• I paid $14 for a wad of toilet paper in a black bag. Always inspect the product first. I guess I should at least wipe with it.
• I suck at buying drugs and making friends abroad.
• No one can be trusted and leaving the house without Lar is not advisable.

J

Update 9/6/10:
The same guy did the exact same thing to one of our room mates after offering him some weed for free. Someone is cruisin’ for a bruisin’.

Update by Lar:

• Everyone that I’ve interacted with here has been completely helpful to me and many have gone above and beyond to make me feel welcome. The “pura vida” mentality of the typical Tico is one of the friendliest dispositions I’ve encountered in a country thus far. People seem so appreciative to hear my crappy Spanish, and they have been very encouraging to me and tell me that I speak very well. Everyone here seems happy and they always say “con gusto” when I leave them.
• Getting ripped off in a drug deal is not a situation that is unique to Costa Rica. You should know what you are getting into and not be disappointed that you can’t trust the type of person who seeks out individuals who look like pot smoking American hippies and tries to rip them off.

Bologna is a helluva drug!

-L

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